un lieu où il n'y a pas de vacances

le 09-12-2009, 16:01, Cergy le Haut - France


I hope I haven't used out my energy or passion.
Knowing everything will be tough, I still can't take the courage to face it.

Sometimes, rejection makes me panic. The pain of failure feels like an injection penetrates into my bones, heartbeating but breathless. Either I receive the motif to work even harder, or wallow in the illusion of escape, motivated but thoughtless.
 
I'm still a little girl.How could I be that certain to be here, outside my country, thousands of kilomiles away from my family, my friends, my everything? The bitter of lonely, such as a drop of ink in the water, spreads quickly to dominant all of you, but still at the same time, seems disappeared for the moment, waiting to be accumulated for the next burst. I should walk out of my door, to stand in the wind, say salut to the french. I did attend some of the parties, drinking, lauphing, talking, even doing something I cannot imagine I would do. But still, I am who I am, not letting anyone close to me.

Fortunately, I got nice dream. There, he is so real in front of me, just like one of us. I could remember the words he whispered to me,and the sentence I didn't get the chance to tell him. After 9 years, I finally have the dream come true in dream. Ironic, but recognized as sweet dream anyway.

The retirement and come back of AI strike my heart.For years, his braveness, persistence, loyalty drive me to move on, even after I quit watching his games.The tragic hero filled then evacuated my hope.I doubt if it really exists an equation between input and output.
 
After all of these, what would become my spiritural breath? Deadline is coming, what can I do afterall?